battling depression

Well, I'm finding that the fewer people that talk to me the more work I get in. Isn't that great!? They get to talk and play and do nothing while I work my ass off. Such is the state way. The people who do the work get in trouble while the people who goof off all day get rewarded.

I'm applying to other jobs, but the picken's are slim. Hopefully I won't have to be here too much longer, but who knows whether or not I'll get to leave soon. I've submitted my job application to quite a few places now, and no one has called me. I've just got to be patient. Or so I tell myself. I would much rather move; move away from here, away from this hell. It would be hard for both me and my husband to find another job though in a different city, plus sale our house. So both of us trudge on, unhappy with the situation but not hopeful of a change.

I went in to see my doctor about a week ago. Ended up with a blood pressure of 134/92. Way high for my usual low blood pressure. I have been able to feel my blood pressure spike with dizziness and sometimes it's hard to see because of it. This job is going to kill me. That's the only way I know how to put it. She told me not to stop my birth control. I was wanting to start a family; and now that has been put on hold because of my job. It's not like anyone here cares. If I were to die, it only means one less person between them and a raise. I work my butt off, and this is the kind of thanks I get. But what do I expect. At least in consulting they want the good workers. They want someone who will work their butt off for them. I guess I knew what I was getting in to when I started here. Just wish that it wasn't the cause of my having to put my family dreams on hold.